Learning Curve

God bless my boy... Gotta love him.

However, he has such a 'cautious' spirit and it has caused a lot of frustration on both of our parts. I can't say I blame him. Not overlooking the fact that Nate and I weren't exactly adventurous children, he came into this world to experience pokes, pricks, tests, surgery--lots of doctors and not enough mama. So I try to be patient with him when he's leery to try something new and would rather just watch. Both nature and nurture didn't start him off on the right foot to exude trust and confidence in all areas of life...

Since day one, Damian has only done things of his own volition, after much thought and consideration. I'll be honest, I did not realize this at first. Lots of tears (mine included) could have been spared had I just accepted his timing over mine. To me some things seem so simple or fun that I couldn't fathom why he wouldn't even try.

The slide... Why won't he go down the slide?! Strangers... Am I the only mother out there that wishes their child would at least speak to a stranger?! It's pizza... Just try the yummy yummy pizza!

As time has gone on, I'm beginning to trust him more to know when he is ready. All I can do is offer help if he wants it. The wonderful thing I've noticed from him though is that he's beginning to respect that trust and return it--both trusting himself and me.

The other day we were at the park running and playing on the jungle gym. Clare, of course being his complete opposite, loves the slides. The higher, the faster, the better. In all the ways Damian hasn't caused me heart failure, she's quickly picking up the slack. But I'm digressing... I'm talking about Little Man today... I noticed him eyeing the slide. I considered saying something, but thought better of it.

He will do it when he's ready... even if that's at 25. Lord, please don't let him be 25...

He sat down at the top of the slide, but then started to back away. I offered my hand and he agreed, and down he went. He lit up and, of course, loved it. I let him have his moment, and then off he went to do the slide on his own over and over and over again. Then, a few days later he finally conquered his fear of a "high slide" and I've never seen him more proud of himself.

It's hard to let him do things at his own pace. Because I, as the adult, so often "know what's good/right/better/easiest," but if he isn't ready... he isn't ready. The frustration I cause by trying to force him only sows more doubt in himself. He has to conquer that fear on his own. I can't do that for him, and that's something I have to let go of. My preconceived notions on when he, or any of my children for that matter, should be daring, interested in sight words, walk, talk, eat, draw, anything they do, did or will do... All of these things are theirs.

It's taken me 4 years of being his mom to figure this out. But I can finally say that seeing him begin to trust himself, trust others, and succeed in even the smallest areas, is worth the learning curve it took me to get here.