Happy Lent (Let's celebrate with a Giveaway!)

It's that time again... Lent.

As with most things, motherhood has given me a new perspective on the season of Lent. I was reading this post yesterday and could relate so well to it as a fellow Type A-er. Just as I often do as a mom, Lent has become a checklist for me. Do more this. Do less that.

However, these little people are forever forcing me to put down my checklist and, heaven forbid, focus on them. And isn't that what Lent is about too?! God doesn't ask us to check off fasting and almsgiving, 40 days of no coffee and not talking like a sailor, because He likes checklist. We do Lent so that we can get rid of things that take us away from Him. So that, heaven forbid, we focus on Him.

Lent (and motherhood) can be so humbling...

I hope these 40 days bring you a little time to rest in Him. To help in your Lenten journey, Magnificat Magazine has two e-copies of their Magnificat Lenten Companion that they would love me to give away to two of you. Just leave a comment here or on Instagram with what you're doing this Lent to bring you closer to Jesus and I'll draw a random name tonight.

Happy Ash Wednesday friends!

Learning Curve

God bless my boy... Gotta love him.

However, he has such a 'cautious' spirit and it has caused a lot of frustration on both of our parts. I can't say I blame him. Not overlooking the fact that Nate and I weren't exactly adventurous children, he came into this world to experience pokes, pricks, tests, surgery--lots of doctors and not enough mama. So I try to be patient with him when he's leery to try something new and would rather just watch. Both nature and nurture didn't start him off on the right foot to exude trust and confidence in all areas of life...

Since day one, Damian has only done things of his own volition, after much thought and consideration. I'll be honest, I did not realize this at first. Lots of tears (mine included) could have been spared had I just accepted his timing over mine. To me some things seem so simple or fun that I couldn't fathom why he wouldn't even try.

The slide... Why won't he go down the slide?! Strangers... Am I the only mother out there that wishes their child would at least speak to a stranger?! It's pizza... Just try the yummy yummy pizza!

As time has gone on, I'm beginning to trust him more to know when he is ready. All I can do is offer help if he wants it. The wonderful thing I've noticed from him though is that he's beginning to respect that trust and return it--both trusting himself and me.

The other day we were at the park running and playing on the jungle gym. Clare, of course being his complete opposite, loves the slides. The higher, the faster, the better. In all the ways Damian hasn't caused me heart failure, she's quickly picking up the slack. But I'm digressing... I'm talking about Little Man today... I noticed him eyeing the slide. I considered saying something, but thought better of it.

He will do it when he's ready... even if that's at 25. Lord, please don't let him be 25...

He sat down at the top of the slide, but then started to back away. I offered my hand and he agreed, and down he went. He lit up and, of course, loved it. I let him have his moment, and then off he went to do the slide on his own over and over and over again. Then, a few days later he finally conquered his fear of a "high slide" and I've never seen him more proud of himself.

It's hard to let him do things at his own pace. Because I, as the adult, so often "know what's good/right/better/easiest," but if he isn't ready... he isn't ready. The frustration I cause by trying to force him only sows more doubt in himself. He has to conquer that fear on his own. I can't do that for him, and that's something I have to let go of. My preconceived notions on when he, or any of my children for that matter, should be daring, interested in sight words, walk, talk, eat, draw, anything they do, did or will do... All of these things are theirs.

It's taken me 4 years of being his mom to figure this out. But I can finally say that seeing him begin to trust himself, trust others, and succeed in even the smallest areas, is worth the learning curve it took me to get here.

Blog Life

If you haven't noticed...I've backed off of blogging recently.

There have been numerous reasons for this, but most of them had to do with time management skills (which I lack) and the weird stirring in my heart that I needed to truly think about what I was doing as far as the Internet was concerned. As the kids get older, I've begun to question what the effects of having their lives recorded online might be. Sure, mostly just friends and family see this blog, but that doesn't stop anyone else from finding it. I also started noticing the amount of time I spent using social media as a distraction, and how often I used it to compare myself to other people. I then wondered if perhaps me sharing my life online was just causing someone else to be tempted to compare themselves to our life (and then I chuckled because, uh hello... my life be a mess.) But still, the more I thought about a blog, the odder it sounded. Self-promotion? Open letters to no one? Talking about yourself for hours on end? Why??? (Bloggers, don't get offended.... just keep reading)

So I took a break and really thought for a long time that I was done. Limited social media. No more blog. I wanted real life... not this pseudo-internet life that was edited and filtered! I wanted real community that could come to my house, go to the park, get a drink with me. More importantly, I wanted to go to their homes and see that real life looks a little messy--that there's no Instagram filter on it. And while I was at it, I was going to start an intentional community! With a wall! And no Internet... And lots and lots of chickens.

Perhaps I lost some perspective on the whole matter.... Perhapssss.

But, I'm not going to lie. Despite my irrational desire to go "off the grid" for a bit, it was a good break. However... being away from the world of blogging didn't necessarily make a lot of sense given the world we live in. Our neighborhood is filled with a lot of elderly people. I can't exactly go outside and let the kids "play with the neighborhood." My village is spread out all over town... and all over many states! If I don't talk to another adult for hours on end, I will go mad; but sometimes the cashier at Target has no interest in my life or the fact that my child prefers to lick her shoes rather than wear them this week. I actually kind of missed my friends and their internet lives, which I discovered actually are real things.

Our world is different from what it's been in decades past. And part of that world is social media. There are a lot of faults with it, but there are a lot of blessings too. A lot has to do with guarding my own heart and my children. There's a balance on what to share and when to share. Just as there's a balance between how much time we spend "checked out" online. There can be an escapism element to it, but there are real needs being met through the online community. All of you mamas out there that I'm friends with because of this little website or this little Instagram page, you know what I'm talking about!

I was listening to a Fountain of Carrots podcast the other night. They were discussing how hard it had been for them becoming mothers, especially Catholic mothers, when they realized they really didn't even know what that style of motherhood looked or felt like. Blogs became their little peak into the world of other mothers. Hearing that rang so true to me that I began to understand that my longing for community could still be found online. Nothing will replace a long coffee date with a friend. But drinking my coffee while skimming through what another mama wrote while drinking her cup of coffee is pretty darn close. Even if it takes both of us 3 reheats to get through our writing and reading. Sharing life on a blog or twitter isn't necessarily some vain pursuit, but rather no different than wanting to be hospitable to anyone who "swings by for a visit." 

So I think I might be back up to blogging. Why not? I still want to monitor how much I share about my children, but I want to open the door of my home to any other mother who may need just a peek at what's going on inside. So she can say..."oh good! Me too!" Because, we all need a village.